Living An Authentic Life
If I walk away and you don’t stand in my way, then I won’t stop walking. And if you walk away and don’t look back, I’m in anguish. It’s amazing how we can experience these ironic truths, but rarely can we verbalize them.
This leads me to beg the question: why do we resist being vulnerable?
Well, I suppose it’s because it feels dangerous. I hope that we could all be fortunate enough to have a community that lifts us in the moments when going alone is too great of a burden to bear. However, being alone doesn’t need to be lonely, especially when we are living our authentic truth.
Authenticity looks different for everyone
Every single one of us has a story to share. We have all lived different lives and the patterns that we repeat mean something to us. We are in a constant state of learning — no matter what age we are. We are learning about ourselves and how we have changed between now and ten years ago. We are learning about the people in our lives and the characteristics that reflect our own strengths and weaknesses. We are learning about the society we live in, and how it has evolved over the years, and continues to evolve into the future.
How can we discover our authenticity and accept ourselves? I think there have been a few major contributors to my journey towards authenticity (though I am far from perfect). Firstly is the value I have placed on the connection that people share with one another, and the people with whom I am connected to. If I am to have relationships that inspire personal growth, which is my ultimate goal, than I have to be able to see my own problems objectively and find the commonality that we all share regardless of the specific details.
Secondly, my minimalist relationship with material possessions has allowed me to be more authentic. When I sold all of my belongings to move across the Atlantic Ocean, I discovered that the things that really mattered to me were things that could not be replaced: journals, old prints of photos, my basic wardrobe, the supplies I use for work and personal hobbies — this is what it boils down to. When I de-clutter the excess in my life it becomes effortless to live a life that meets my needs because I have narrowed in on what those needs are.
You have to know what you want in order to work for it.
The third major contributor in my journey has to be the way that I manage my content consumption and regurgitation. I’m careful to remain skeptical and open to opposing views. This translates to social media, news sources, educational material, research, philosophical orientations, relationships with peers, colleagues, and more. I try to expose myself to contradicting beliefs as much as I possibly can.
By exposing ourselves to new perspectives we can formulate an opinion that is unbiased and productive. This in itself requires an awareness of self that will aid in authentic expression of personal values, experiences, and beliefs that we latch onto about the world.
The ways I’ve chosen to be vulnerable
For me, vulnerability with others can be healing and hurtful at times. However, I have found that vulnerability with myself is the key to my self-acceptance. So how do we get vulnerable with ourselves?
Self-awareness and self-management are stepping stones to self-acceptance. Awareness can come through feedback from others, reflection with the self and shadow selves, or the daily duties of life. The more that we show up for ourselves every day with a willingness to listen and learn to be better, helps us to respect ourselves, and in return command respect from others.
When we feel that our well being is respected by another person, we can test out varying levels of vulnerability that feel safe. In my work as a counselor, I feel that education and discussion of personal boundaries is worthy of note.
Six types of boundaries:
Physical Boundaries
Sexual Boundaries
Emotional Boundaries
Intellectual Boundaries
Time Spent Boundaries
Material Boundaries
Know where your boundaries are when it comes to the people in your life, and the way that you treat yourself. Through defining these boundaries, you can recognize the discomfort that arises when we have given too much of ourselves or have been taken advantage of by others.
Often times these boundaries look different with different people in your life. I generally encourage the circle of relationships to be defined. This can be done by outlining the following questions in regards to family, friends, community members, and strangers: 1) Who do you currently trust with your safety? 2) Where are you sharing your emotional hardships? 3) How much time do you spend on others versus time spent working on yourself? 4) What will you give of your belongings and how much?
When we analyze our boundaries and take a hard look at the values we carry through life, the relationships we foster, and our connection to the material world, we make it possible to live a life that reflects those things. This is authenticity and it allows room for us to share our experiences in a healthy way, and fulfill the potential that reveals unique meaning in each of our stories.
Let’s Connect!
I’d love to hear about some of your journeys towards living an authentic life. What works for you and what doesn’t? How has your authentic expression changed over the years? How comfortable are you being vulnerable and are you able to accept yourself? Drop a comment below.